I am all messed up.. That is all what I know as for now..
May be I dunno how to handle emotions, or I just feel, this time the gush of the flow is too heavy to handle..
I am in a kind of awkward situation. I am big time mixed up. I dunno which emotion to pick up..
I am furious, I dunno why..
I am low, I dunno why..
I feel saved, I thank God for it..
I wanna cry, but tears dun help me...
I wanna scream, but dun feel like even opening my mouth..
I have exhausted myself, but still I dont feel like sleeping....



Though it is something, I never dignified enough to even talk about, I thought it had stopped affecting me.. But I just dont understand...
I am writing it, I thought, writing it up could help me understand what exactly am I feeling...


Emotions... I guess this is what happens when emotions take over, and you generally avoid the encounter with them.. I thought I am stronger, and I can very well take care of my emotions rather than being 'emotional fool'... But that could be done only when yon understand what you are going through.. The sudden and such random outburst of the 'dam' that held back emotions is not acceptable..


This certainly is not 'Being Shruti'..
I dint wanna publish this post, but somehow I feel, I need the feedback..
I could close the comments to this post, but somehow, I think I need the feedback...

MAY has been full of emotions on lower notes, I hope they end soon... But Cha.alo, I'll manage, or say I have to...

I have always had this theory to keep expectations low or to be precise, to zero.
This way, you can avoid hurting yourself..
I know expecting is a way of self torture.. When you expect something out of a person and it isn't fulfilled, you feel bad. so the easy way out is, dont expect. If the other person does something for you going out of his/her way, take it as a bonus.
Few days back, I was having a conversation with this friend of mine which got me into thinking mode (yeah, I know in a long time though).
She says, you may pretend to not expect, but it is human to expect and if you say, you don't expect, it is not being modest, rather you are escaping the truth.
I kept thinking over it and then finally reached the conclusion, she is right.
Any person who is close to you, may it be your parents, siblings, best friends, or a special one, you tend to do things for them even if you have to trouble yourself or go through terrible inconvenience, you do, it is because you want to.
And you want them to do things for you the same way. You want them to be there for you in the moments of distress. This may and may not be in return of what you do for them. It hurts you if they are unable to make it on time for you.
You may ignore it for once, but somethings you are incapable of letting go. At times, you start listing down the times you have been there for them and things you did for them and the times they weren't there for you.
You may not convey it to them, you may conceal that you are feeling bad but doesn't it get suffocating at times? It does. Blood relations kept aside, it starts driving you away from them. And if you convey it to them, this might result in a disagreement and sometimes frictions.

Expectations are confusing in themselves.

Deep down, we all have expectations. We just learn to suppress them. For once this may be convenient. But in the end, they bind you with your loved ones.

I hate milk. Absolutely.
And I love that Jingle form our childhood that says "Piyo glass full dhoodh".
I know, many of you would say, it is very essential, it is a complete diet, being a woman you need to drink milk, it is a source of calcium and blah blah..
But excuse me. I am not taking any of those.
I HATE MILK. Yes.
I have hated milk ever since I can recall.. I was made to drink milk when I was young. My mom has used every possible flavor and every possible method to fool me and make me drink milk. But no. No More. I HATE MILK.
People who coincide with this disliking of mine, lets form a club where we can discuss the ways to avoid milk and invent new excuses :D
And people who like Milk, please you can come back some other time.
And those who Love Milk, Sorry. I guess we had companionship till today only.
Yes. I am irritated. very much. Only because of milk. Because, I Hate Milk .....

There r people (I was one wth the same opinion) who say we must live Life in such a way that we must never live to regret things we did...but u know there r certain moments when one wishes if u had the ability to change sum things...go back in time n alter some decisions which seemed right to u then....
It is entirely impossible but doesn't everyone regret atleast one action or word in their lifetime???U wish so badly u hadn't done that or spoken to sumone like that...or hurt sumone's feelings.....
It happens a lot to me....
Today in this post of mine I say Sorry from the bottom of my heart to all people I ve hurt knowingly or unknowingly.....I'm sorry...Its a sort of apology...I don know if the people I say this to, read my blog...but this is for them....
But since I still firmly believe that everything in life happens 4 a reason,I hav nothing to worry bout right? All this was destined to happen....hmmm...I guess so...I'm so depressed today,that's behind this stupid post...Hope to rite a better one next time....

There's a void.. an emptiness within me...
Its always there... whatever I do,whenevr...I can feel it....
I am never truly happy...there is this one hole in my heart that
holds back my smile...
There is guilt....there is pain...there is sorrow...
4 what I do not know...4 whom I do not know...n Why i do not
know.......For reasons I cannot fathom....
It hurts......hurts a lot.....
when i think of the past....of the memories hidden deep wthn my
heart.......
of the people I ve hurt,
of the promises I ve broken,
n of the trust I ve betrayed........
The broken heart.....the falling tears........the pain so sharp it pierces through....
a dull pain.......so intense....searin thru...Burning...........
Where will i seek refuge? To whom will I ask 4 Forgiveness.......How will I repent???
I fear jus one thing........LOVE........it can overcome anythin in this world.........
A person wth love in his eyes can move ur heart.......
Be wary of Love....It always Hurts.........

Tired of Trying,
I've had enough of this Crying,
I go through days,
Giving My All,
But Whats's the Point,
Got My back Against the Wall,
he only wants to see Me Fall !!


I Crave for that Smile,
A Smile so Refreshing, so Divine,
But What's the Point,
It's Booked for everyone but Me...
A Smile once so fine,
Vanished,Obliterated,Shattered,
By a Heart i once thought was Mine.

Why do I Suffer?
It only makes my War,
Just that little Tougher...
My Mind Says Why??
My Heart...give it, one more try.

Tell Me..You Someone up There,
Why is everything i Deserve,
So Unfair??
I can't Breathe no more,
I've Lost....
Once Again...And That's for Sure!!!

LOVE!!!???!!
Love is like a candleIt burns..
and fires you up..
Till you catch your last breath..
Its lust.. its cruel..
Intentions..untrue..not revealed..
Love is a candle..as it grows..it ends..
The love that you thought will last..
Lasts until midnight..
he crawls.. he hides..and fade away..
Cant find love..cant really be sure of it..
All I know is that..
Love?! so elusive..so mysterious..
Cant be grasped.. cant be tamed..
Cant be punished..cant be paid..
Its somewhere floating.. till wind takes it..
takes LOVE..to where it truly belongs!!!