I am all messed up.. That is all what I know as for now..
May be I dunno how to handle emotions, or I just feel, this time the gush of the flow is too heavy to handle..
I am in a kind of awkward situation. I am big time mixed up. I dunno which emotion to pick up..
I am furious, I dunno why..
I am low, I dunno why..
I feel saved, I thank God for it..
I wanna cry, but tears dun help me...
I wanna scream, but dun feel like even opening my mouth..
I have exhausted myself, but still I dont feel like sleeping....



Though it is something, I never dignified enough to even talk about, I thought it had stopped affecting me.. But I just dont understand...
I am writing it, I thought, writing it up could help me understand what exactly am I feeling...


Emotions... I guess this is what happens when emotions take over, and you generally avoid the encounter with them.. I thought I am stronger, and I can very well take care of my emotions rather than being 'emotional fool'... But that could be done only when yon understand what you are going through.. The sudden and such random outburst of the 'dam' that held back emotions is not acceptable..


This certainly is not 'Being Shruti'..
I dint wanna publish this post, but somehow I feel, I need the feedback..
I could close the comments to this post, but somehow, I think I need the feedback...

MAY has been full of emotions on lower notes, I hope they end soon... But Cha.alo, I'll manage, or say I have to...

I have always had this theory to keep expectations low or to be precise, to zero.
This way, you can avoid hurting yourself..
I know expecting is a way of self torture.. When you expect something out of a person and it isn't fulfilled, you feel bad. so the easy way out is, dont expect. If the other person does something for you going out of his/her way, take it as a bonus.
Few days back, I was having a conversation with this friend of mine which got me into thinking mode (yeah, I know in a long time though).
She says, you may pretend to not expect, but it is human to expect and if you say, you don't expect, it is not being modest, rather you are escaping the truth.
I kept thinking over it and then finally reached the conclusion, she is right.
Any person who is close to you, may it be your parents, siblings, best friends, or a special one, you tend to do things for them even if you have to trouble yourself or go through terrible inconvenience, you do, it is because you want to.
And you want them to do things for you the same way. You want them to be there for you in the moments of distress. This may and may not be in return of what you do for them. It hurts you if they are unable to make it on time for you.
You may ignore it for once, but somethings you are incapable of letting go. At times, you start listing down the times you have been there for them and things you did for them and the times they weren't there for you.
You may not convey it to them, you may conceal that you are feeling bad but doesn't it get suffocating at times? It does. Blood relations kept aside, it starts driving you away from them. And if you convey it to them, this might result in a disagreement and sometimes frictions.

Expectations are confusing in themselves.

Deep down, we all have expectations. We just learn to suppress them. For once this may be convenient. But in the end, they bind you with your loved ones.

I hate milk. Absolutely.
And I love that Jingle form our childhood that says "Piyo glass full dhoodh".
I know, many of you would say, it is very essential, it is a complete diet, being a woman you need to drink milk, it is a source of calcium and blah blah..
But excuse me. I am not taking any of those.
I HATE MILK. Yes.
I have hated milk ever since I can recall.. I was made to drink milk when I was young. My mom has used every possible flavor and every possible method to fool me and make me drink milk. But no. No More. I HATE MILK.
People who coincide with this disliking of mine, lets form a club where we can discuss the ways to avoid milk and invent new excuses :D
And people who like Milk, please you can come back some other time.
And those who Love Milk, Sorry. I guess we had companionship till today only.
Yes. I am irritated. very much. Only because of milk. Because, I Hate Milk .....